They Keep Saying "It's About the Kids." So Let's Talk About the Kids.

"You can't tell me you're protecting children while ignoring what children actually need."

When I first started reading the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child, I expected exactly what you'd expect.

Political fluff.

Bureaucratic bullshit.

A bunch of people in expensive suits explaining how parents should raise kids.

Instead...

I found something pretty interesting.

The document doesn't spend much time talking about parents.

It spends most of its time talking about children.

Not what adults want.

Not what lawyers bill for.

Not who "wins."

The kid.

Whodathunkit?

I'm not here to argue international law.  Shit, I have issues with Nebraska law.

I'm an asshole biker with enough gray in my beard to know the difference between reality and wishful thinking.

The CRC isn't enforceable in my custody case.

But that doesn't mean it's wrong.

Sometimes the law tells us what we can do.

The Convention reminds us what we should do.

And those aren't always the same thing.

Here's Ross's Translation

The Convention is over fifty articles long.  It covers a lot of ground, and the rules and how to bring requests before the Secretary-General of the United Nations...

Lawyers can have all that.

Here's the Ross Version.

Rule #1

Children aren't property.

You don't own them.

You don't win them.

You don't weaponize them.

They're little human beings trying to survive the adults around them.

Rule #2

Children deserve to be heard.

Not coached.

Not manipulated.

Not bribed.

Not punished for loving both parents.

Actually heard.

Rule #3

Kids need relationships.

Healthy ones.

Mom.

Dad.

Grandparents.

Family.

Friends.

Teachers.

The more healthy people who genuinely love a child...

...the stronger that child usually becomes.

Rule #4

Adults are supposed to act like adults.

I know.

Crazy concept.

If your child has to regulate your emotions...

you've already failed that assignment.

Rule #5

Every decision should answer one question.

"How does this help the child?"

Not:

"How does this hurt my ex?"

Not:

"How do I look better?"

Not:

"How do I get even?"

The kid.

Always the kid.

Five Rights I See Get Trampled

I'm not saying every judge.

I'm not saying every lawyer.

I'm not saying every case.

I'm saying I've seen enough to know these problems aren't rare.

1. The Right To Be Heard

Article 12

Children capable of forming their own views should have the opportunity to express them on matters that affect them.

Ross Translation:

If your kid is old enough to explain what they're experiencing...

they probably deserve someone to listen.

That doesn't mean handing them the steering wheel.

It means acknowledging they exist.

Too often adults say,

"Kids shouldn't be involved."

Kinda makes you wonder though.

They're the ones who actually have to live in the outcome.

2. The Right To Maintain Family Relationships

Articles 9 & 10

Children should not be unnecessarily separated from parents and should maintain personal relationships with both whenever it's safe.

Ross Translation:

Children aren't prizes.

Every unnecessary obstacle placed between a child and a loving parent costs the child something.

Sometimes it's obvious.

Sometimes it's death by a thousand paper cuts.

Constant nagging.

Phone interference.

Constant negativity.

One little cut after another.

3. Protection From Emotional Harm

Article 19

Children should be protected from physical or mental violence, abuse, neglect, or exploitation.

Ross Translation:

People hear "abuse" and immediately think bruises.

Kids don't.

Kids remember fear.

Humiliation.

Loyalty conflicts.

Being forced to choose.

Being told they're betraying one parent by loving the other.

Emotional damage doesn't leave fingerprints.

It still leaves scars.

4. The Child's Best Interests Come First

Article 3

The child's best interests should be a primary consideration in actions concerning children.

Ross Translation:

Notice it doesn't say:

"The loudest parent."

"The richest parent."

"The parent with the better lawyer."

"The parent who files the most motions."

The child.

Every.

Single.

Time.

If adults remembered that...

family court would probably need a whole lot fewer hearings.

5. The Right To Develop Into Their Own Person

Articles 5, 29, and 31

Children have the right to develop their personality, talents, identity, education, and play.

Ross Translation:

Your child isn't your emotional support animal.

They aren't your revenge project.

They're supposed to become themselves.

Not a miniature version of you.

Not a weapon against the other parent.

Themselves.

Here's the Part Nobody Likes

Adults create almost every custody battle.

Children pay almost every bill.

They pay in anxiety.

In depression.

In trust.

In relationships.

Sometimes for decades.

Then we wonder why they're struggling at twenty-five.

Ross's Rule

If your custody strategy requires damaging your child to beat your ex...

you already lost.

You just haven't admitted it yet.

Final Thought

I don't care whether these ideas came from the United Nations...

the Bible...

your grandfather...

or a biker sitting at a picnic table with a Tequila.

Good ideas are good ideas.

When a principle helps children grow up safer, stronger, and more loved...

I don't give a shit who wrote it.

I care whether we're living it.

Because children don't need perfect parents.

They need mature adults who remember that the case isn't about winning.

It's about the kid.

Always has been.

Always will be.